错觉

人常有着一种错觉

有一天 我一定要怎样怎样

我一定会再来
我一定要这么做

日复一日
年复一年

我 还是没有这么做
我 还是没有再来
我 把它忘了

计划搁置
想法丢了

渐渐地觉得越来越没有时间 精力 

而终究放弃

收藏着不是想要的回忆

只剩遗憾

Beginning

It is too easy to lie...

Especially to ourselves

What has held you back in the past?

What has scare you about the future?

Erase Everything

Just start from the beginning

情绪

当情绪掩盖理性时

我偶尔有个念头

就放弃理性让情绪透过行动或言语表达吧

过于压抑情绪让我少了很多当下需要的冲动

留下了些许的遗憾

也许因为生活上有许多理性也无法解决的事情

还是需要着一些人性上的感性去成就吧

2013

改变了很多思想
改变了很多行为
因为不认老
所以做了很多年轻时忘了做的事情
学会了放轻松
学会了偶尔让心情牵着走
我发现了很多我日常遗忘了的东西
因为一时的冲动 我发掘了奇景
因为缓慢的脚步 我欣赏了还挂着太阳的辽阔天空
在做着不同的事情时 我体验了不一样的人生
原来循规蹈矩本来就不是人生的定律
至少偶尔的叛逆 偶尔脱轨 可以让我更清晰
期待着今天的我如何去塑造明天的我

沙子

沙子
长久地卡在河中的石缝里
日复一日
它从来都没有想过离开
就算对外边有着无限的憧憬
它还是决定一直待在石缝里

河水
每次经过石头时
总是拉起沙子
沙子却强烈地拒绝
不是河水给不了沙子安全感
而是沙子在石缝里待得太久了
它已经麻木于那里
觉得渺小的自己不能适应
觉得眼前的安定才是在掌握中
外面的世界已经无所谓了

沙子
总是不知道
如果它果断地任由河水牵引
它就有了许多的可能
它也许会经历大瀑布的洗礼
它也许会漫游在大海
它也许会酝酿成珍珠
它也许会嬉戏在海滩上
可是它放弃了机会
它放弃了自己
 
 

防卫

在他面前

不断地掩饰真正的自己

不止一次了

只要无意间地露出了真实的自己

他

就可以瞬间看穿他人心底的秘密

不留丝毫怜悯

直接揭穿

无从躲避

只有坦诚

心中虽有不忿

但又有什么能耐？

只有把自己一层一层的裹着

提高谨慎

抱歉

我只在一些人面前做自己

Filming

During these two days, I was lucky to attend the Freedom Film Festival organized by Pusat KOMAS. It's a pleasure to be there, watching all those films as well as listening to the views from different perspective.

I admit that I am too ignorant to the incident that happen around me nowadays and by attending this festival does make me feel that I'm part of the society again.

The most impressive session for me is the "tikar talk" on the second day where we discussed about film making and political changes. I, as a junior who always interested in making film is awakened by the point of view from the panels. I always drafted my idea in my notebook and plan to film it when I have chance. That's my initial thought to convey my idea or message. And it seems that my effort to deliver a message ends once the film is completed and published. However, after the "tikar talk", I'm aware that filming and manage to publish it is not sufficient and efficient to tackle the issue that I would like the audience to take concern. A film should be a tool to initiate a series of debates, dialogues, changes or even movement. It does not end when the show ends. Perhaps I was too naive in film making and that discussion indeed knock my head and make me clear with what I can do more with a film.

It's time to change my mindset and start moving!  

By the way, the Freedom Film Festival is still going on. In this weekend, they are moving to Penang for the screening. For those who are interested, feel free to visit their official website here.

http://freedomfilmfest.komas.org/

or visit to their facebook page here.

https://www.facebook.com/freedomfilmfest

想要。寻找

最近
又再想了很多
思索着自己真正想要的东西
不想盲目地追随潮流
看见别人有的
自己并不一定要有
自己要有的
就必须去追求

想了很久
发现物质上的东西
真的无法满足心灵
物质可以暂时满足欲望
不一会儿
就会再觉得空虚
内心想要的
还是需要其他方式去弥补吧

唉
人生就是不停地寻找啊...

Song | Life

Recently, I fell in love with this two song.
A good description to my current life.

Invisible by Skylar Grey

I take these pills to make me thin
I dye my hair, and color my skin
I tried everything, to make them see me
But all they see, is someone that's not me

Even when I'm walking on barb wire
Even when I sat myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to lock my past
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

Here inside, my quiet heart
You cannot hear, my cries for help
I tried everything, to make them see me
But every one, sees what I can't be

Even when I'm walking on barb wire
Even when I sat myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to lock my past
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

Sometimes when I'm alone
I pretend that I'm a queen
It's almost believable

Even when I'm walking on barb wire
Even when I sat myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible
Everyday I try to lock my past
Even though inside I'm such a mess
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

It's probably a time for me to think about life and change to better...

709 a day to remember

七月九日
黄色
一个象征着干净选举的颜色

一些人 选择逃避
一些人 选择躲起来
一些人 选择默默支持
一些人 选择站出来

因为不公平 所以反对
因为看不过眼 所以开口
因为被压制 所以反抗
因为真理 所以坚持

但愿黄色成功
在我们不需要它的时候
就是民主来临的时候

L E T G O

It's time to let something go...
What I was always believe in...
might be wrong...
or it no longer suitable to current situation...
so
let go
may be the best way to keep me forward...

不要再等

近期
我重新整理了自己需要做的事项
其中也包括了一些我还在犹豫要不要做的事情
这些事被我搁置了很久
一直在我脑海中被考虑是否要开始

前天
和一位大学朋友聚聚
讨论着现在忙的工作、兴趣
还有计划要做的事情
我们的结论是“不要再等了，想要做的话就做吧！”

很多人
包括我都会为自己想要做的事情
甚至是梦想
找借口
让自己却步
而
胆怯
往往成为了我们原地踏步的主要因素
担心时机不对
担心自己不够能力
担心自己半途而废
担心会有阻碍
担心这样担心那样
所以
我们会
让自己等待时机
等待自己有足够的能力
等待自己有足够的毅力
等待自己确定一切可以顺顺利利
等待这等待那
结果
到了错过时
就会责怪自己
责怪别人
然后认命
觉得自己这世就是没有这个机缘
没有这个命

为什么想要做一件事情时
不要现在做呢？
为什么非要等待呢？
等到明天、再明天
套用一句话
"Tomorrow never come"
我们又如何在明天做自己想要做的事情
想要实现的梦想呢？
只要今天开始
梦想就会离自己在靠近一点！

00:00

23：59
收拾心情

00：00
在昨天与今天的交叉点，把不好的心情抛给昨天... 没有了包袱，今天会更好吧？

00:01
犹豫今天是否会更好... 应该会吧...

每天我都不知道自己是如何度过从昨天跨到今天的时间，是在埋头工作？看电视？上网？
好久都没有静静地等待那一刻了... 就让自己沉思两分钟吧...

一人做事一人当

有句话说：“一人做事一人当”，但是现实之中并非如此，当你一旦做错了事情或做错了决定，后果未必就是你担当得起，再不然就是，虽然你愿意承担起后果，你也未必会有这个机会，因为在别人的心目中，你已经失去了解决问题的资格，就连你想说“你会承担后果”的资格也一并被剥夺了。

目的地

为自己设立了一个目标
要从Destination A 至 Destination B
花了很多时间
在Google Map上
寻找沿途需要经过的道路
在一切都准备就绪后
我才领悟
自己原来是个路痴
就算找到了要抵达目的地的途径
我还是会与目的地有一段距离
现在我该寻找另一个途径到Destination B？
还是放弃Destination B， 选择到新的目的地呢？

遇见我…

曾经想到躯体外－细心观察自己的举动－比如在遇上某些事情－我的反应是如何的呢？－好奇－如果我认识我自己－和自己说话－那又会是一个怎样的情景呢？
但如果真有那么一天－我所遇见的我还是我吗？

人

无可否认

人

真的很厉害

身边不管什么

有什么不是人制造的呢？

不论实物、思考逻辑、文化等

有什么不是人创造的呢？

但人真正要追求的是什么呢？

是这些所制造与创造的每一物？

深思…

大局

曾经听过一则故事
在轨道上
一群小孩在轨道上玩耍
只有一个懂事的小孩在已废弃的轨道上看着那群小孩玩耍
这时
一列火车驶来
你正在控制台旁
你会让火车驶在那群小孩玩耍的轨道上？
还是会以控制器把火车引向已废弃的轨道上呢？
这故事让我沉思许久
我应该以多数人命来决定？
还是以小孩行为的对错来决定呢？
我在挣扎
如果我不把火车转向废弃的轨道上
那么牺牲的小孩就不只一个了
但若我把火车转向废弃的轨道上
那么没有在使用中轨道玩耍的小孩就应该因为那群小孩而成为代罪羔羊吗？
我的决定似乎不管怎样都是错
是错在小孩们在轨道上吗？
还是错在行驶中的火车？

人生中
面对太多类似的抉择
无论是什么决定
都一定会伤害到别人与自己
在顾及大家的同时
一些无时无刻都在贡献的人必须做出牺牲
甚至是无谓的牺牲
若不愿牺牲一些人
便会被指为不顾全大局了
到了那个时候
我们还可以坚持些什么吗？

why do you here?

Recently, i always think of one thing. How should my life be? and What should i live for? Sometimes, i do something totally for the sake of myself but this cause me overwork.
Sometimes, i do something to help others or reduce others burden but it makes me overburden.
Sincerely, until now i still don't know what am i looking for to be in this world.
i just put my effort in what i'm interested in or i can benefit in.
Am i right in this case?
i'm doing all this because i should live like this or because i'm preparing for something i should do in the future of my life?
sigh...
very complicated, right?
i think too much i guess...
but shouldn't it's a question for every single human in this world?
why do you here?